How to create and save healthy relationships?
It goes without saying, that none of us could walk, talk or read when was born. Communication, love and relationships – are as important a field of study, as all the others, and obtaining good relationship skills is vital for happy life of any human being. One thing we all have in common is that someday we all need good relationship advice. Here we are to offer you one of the best strategical plans of developing your skills to create long-term, stable and healthy relationships.
What about a conversation?
How often do you talk? Do you remember the last conversation that wasn’t about something routine or shopping lists? It is always better to talk and discuss all the problems and dissatisfactions you face before the silence leads you both to break up.
Here are some ideas on the topics you can discuss:
• Recall and discuss all the unpleasant moments that happened with you this week or month. Try to speak about yourself, express your own feelings, describe your own thoughts. It is really important to avoid any blaming – you are a team and not competitors. Remember, that your goal is to make things better, and not to fight and destroy your enemy. It is not really important to know who was more right, when you’re staying on the wrecks of furniture, fragments of dishes and ruins of broken relationship.
• Remember all the pleasant moments in your relationships. Tell your beloved one, what was the coziest, warmest and most necessary moments for you and sincerely thank each other.
• Think of your own rituals. Something cute and making sense to the two of you. Special greetings and goodbye rituals, that reflect your love and support for a beloved one.
Positive effects of relationships
What is a healthy relationship? This is a relationship that stimulates us to grow, achieve and progress. It gives us energy and inspires us. It gives us the feeling of confidence and security. All these advantages should motivate you to ponder the questions “how to save your relationship?” and “how to fill your relationship with joy?”.
Emotional intimacy is not a thing that remains stable and doesn’t change. We face ups and downs even in the most balanced relationships. Don’t think of your relationships as of something static. Instead, try to analyze the ability of both of you to go through the episodes of emotional intimacy and estrangement in the course of your relationship. Don’t give up and try to recreate the moments of love, as there are so many ways of attracting and touching another person’s soul.
It sometimes happens to many couples – one of the partners starts to love more. And the other one, at the same time, tries to increase the distance. The good news is that the problem can also be fixed.
The “weak” one (the person who loves more) believes that his/her love and affection will bring the couple together forever, he/she needs the partner badly and is afraid to lose the beloved one. But let’s think – what is a relationship? It is a safe place for both of us, where we try to make each other happy. But obsession has nothing to do with happiness. The best way for the “obsessed” partner to prevent catastrophe is to redirect their energy. That doesn’t mean stop loving your partner. You should just pay more attention to yourself, your interests and life.
Reduce the pressure on your loved one and think about how to become stronger yourself. Work on restoring your individuality, separate from your relationships.
To get started, just ask yourself the following questions:
• What activities gave me pleasure before we met?
• What are my personal goals?
• What is my social life outside of this relationship?
• What strengths do I have?
The most common, panic reaction to a crisis in a relationship is to exaggerate dependent and accommodating behavior. However, you have another, wonderful way out: try to notice your “weak” reflex reactions and change them.
To develop this useful ability, make a list of your most harmful and often common reflexes of addictive behavior, for example:
• I always agree with him/her;
• I never show him/her my indignation and anger;
• I call and text him/her every time I feel jealous or insecure;
• I always try to be more helpful and kind to please him/her;
• I always do what he/she wants, even if I don’t want it myself.
Get ready to track unwanted “weak” reflexes and reject them. Consequently, you will become so used to following your reactions that you will easily suppress them. As long as you learn to control your over-reactive and impulsive behavior, your thoughts will gain clarity, and the impulses to act as a “weak” person will disappear.
Self-love and relationships
We constantly criticize ourselves: “I am so stupid / fat / crazy”, “I am a loser”, “I am not capable of anything”. But self-criticism is closely associated with depression. Does depression promote harmony in relationships and improve the sexual side of your life? No, it does not.
We need to learn to show sympathy and understanding to ourselves in any situation: when we are successful and when something is not working out. To do this, you must mute the voice of the inner critic and stop evaluating yourself.
It is really important to be able to listen and show empathy – to capture the feelings that are hidden behind the words. If you’re looking for relationship advice for men, we can offer the “mirror image” method, it is widely used by psychologists all over the world. For example, the husband says what bothers him. Then the wife rephrases the “complaint” and tells it in her own words. It is important to catch not only the meaning, but also the feelings that the partner has. It sounds simple, but in reality it is incredibly difficult. The goal of “mirror” therapy is to tune one another emotionally. It helps to resolve conflicts without mutual insults and to understand each other.
Negative emotions – 50/50
Even the most harmonious relationships face problems. It is quite normal to experience negative emotions like jealousy, anger, sadness and doubt. The main thing is to keep a balance. Do not dwell on the negative points, but do not deny them. Divide problems according to the “50 by 50” principle. Half of them are real difficulties that need to be discussed and the second half is probably a bit exaggerated. When you apply this rule, you can almost always stop a fight. Any emotion arises for some reason: try to find it.
Don’t forget to correct mistakes!
We are not perfect and sometimes do wrong. It is important to learn to correct your mistakes and discuss them with your partner. You can say some words or send a non-verbal signal – hug, kiss, gentle touch. There is no universal way to restore mutual understanding.
And here goes another good relationship advice for women – say the important phrase “forgive me.”
Please, find a few phrases that will help to establish mutual understanding:
• My reaction was too harsh. Forgive me.
• I guess I was wrong.
• I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
• Help me say it more softly.
• Did I do something wrong?
• I really need your support now.
• Please, listen to me now and try to understand.
• I really think your point of view makes sense.
• I love you. Please, forgive me.
• Let’s find a solution that will meet all our interests and expectations.
The most important advice
It is easy to forget about friendship, while working on a good romantic relationship. After all, a friend is someone who shares our interests. The one whom we trust with all our worries and joys.
Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “The lack of friendship, not love, makes families unhappy.”
Your task as a couple is to become colleagues respecting each other and best friends. You argue and at the same time learn to be patient. Try to find common interests and have fun together. However – do not forget to respect and love each other.
Fateful passion, loss of personality, love obsession – this is not a complete list of couple problems, which are called love. In fact, healthy love is different. We don’t want “blending”, but community: for the sake of finding harmony, we welcome the triumph of the differences between us, our interconnection, the unification of talents that each of us brings into a relationships. This is a deep and lifelong work on yourself. Yes, sometimes it is not easy: empathy, understanding and trust – none of this appears immediately. However, if each partner is ready to change, then this is the result.