What are love languages and how do I know what my love language is? Let’s start with where the term “love language” comes from. Based on his twenty years of experience in counseling on marriage and family issues, G. Chapman concluded that there are five ways (languages) in which people express and perceive emotional love. To properly explain to your partner how they should express their love for you, you need to know the answer to the question “What is my love language?”.
So, as you understand, there are 5 love languages. According to G. Chapman, these are words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. All these languages are very important for those people who love and are in a relationship. What is my love language to others? In the article we will describe all 5 love languages, you can find out what exactly your love language is like and how to learn to use it correctly.
5 Love Languages and Their Importance In a Relationship
When creating healthy solid relationships, and families, partners need to know what love language each of them has. This will help achieve understanding and harmony in a couple.
Love Language 1: Words of Affirmation
For some people, this language is native since childhood. Their parents affectionately addressed them, supported them, and praised them. They are used to hearing positive words and it is easy for them to express love in this way. Such people can and love to encourage and support others.
There are other people. Those who rarely hear praise in their address, therefore do not encourage anyone. Parents showered them with reproaches and criticism, which only hurt, but did not testify to love. They do not know how to encourage others with kind words, because they have never heard such phrases addressed to them. They can talk a lot about things that interest them, but when it comes to the personal, all the words of the world seem to disappear. As a result, relatives of such people experience an acute shortage of approving words, which is regarded as a lack of love.
What words can be attributed to encouragement:
- Words of approval. Tell the person that you believe in them, and encourage them in this way.
- Praise. Recognize the accomplishments of the other person.
- Pleasant words. Speak softly and delicately with your significant other. Refrain from trying to prove that your point of view is the only correct one. Don’t forget to ask for forgiveness and admit your guilt. Don’t blame and don’t be rude.
Love Language 2: Gifts
A gift is an expression of love in material terms. It means “I love you and care about you.” When a person whose main love language is gifting looks at the memorabilia that was once given to them, they see not a thing; they see how they are told “I love” again and again.
What is my primary love language? If your partner’s love language is gifts, the easiest way to show your love for them is by giving gifts. Learn how to do this for your soulmate:
- Point 1: Find out your loved one’s hobbies. Gifts should be chosen by the interests of the person being presented. To do this, you must be interested in a person’s life, tastes, and preferences.
- Point 2: Think of the money spent on gifts as an investment. Some may think that spending money on gifts is irrational. You do not spend money on things, but invest it in developing relationships and filling the emotional need of a person close to you.
Love Language 3: Acts of Service
Someone once said that serving and helping people is the highest peak that man has ever climbed. Real help is a voluntary act based on desire, not manipulation or obligation.
Someone easily helps people, sees the needs of others, and easily fills them. Such people are always there when someone needs their help. Other people focus mainly on their own needs. Perhaps they have adopted a different way of communication in their family and now they do not like to help others and do not want to accept help themselves. If you try to support such a woman with the housework, she will not understand that you just want to help but will think that you consider her a bad housewife. Understanding this, it is better to ask in advance whether the person is ready to accept help.
To learn to speak the language of help, you need to be attentive to the needs of others and not be afraid to offer your services. If a person for some reason refused help, accept it with understanding. Perhaps now they are not ready to speak this language.
Love Language 4: Quality Time
Time is a valuable resource that eludes us every second. Spending it on a soul mate, a person shares their energy. It is not enough just to be near your partner, it is important to give them your attention, hear them and spend quality time together. For example, enroll in climbing courses for couples, arrange a romantic dinner, go on a date, and ride bicycles. The key aspect of quality time, G. Chapman writes, is closeness, which is determined by focused attention. Some husbands and wives think they spend time together when in reality they just live next door to each other. A husband watching a football match on TV while talking to his wife does not give her quality time, as she does not get his full attention.
However, quality time does not mean spending time together. It means that we do something with our beloved one and give all our attention and love to the one person, that we care about. Enjoy being with each other by doing things together.
Here are some practical tips, according to G. Chapman:
- When your spouse is talking, maintain eye contact with them. This prevents you from being distracted and communicates that all your attention is completely directed to him/her;
- You should not do two things at the same time, e.g. listen to your spouse and do something else;
- Watch your body language;
- Don’t interrupt.
Love Language 5: Physical Touch
For most people, love without touch and physical contact are impossible. With the help of touch, couples in love convey almost any emotion. Touching a partner, they show tenderness, care, anxiety, and passionate desire. For many couples, touching is a natural way to feel warmth and bond with your significant other. It is also an integral part of intimate life.
You can find out which language of love is yours and take the what is my love language quiz here now. If you wish, also let your soulmate pass the test. This way you can determine the love language of your couple and learn how to express your love correctly.
Let’s Decipher the Test Results
If you have passed the what is my partner’s love language quiz, then now you can know what is important for you in a relationship. Tell your partner how they need to show love to you so that you feel loved and desired.
Love language: words
If your love language is words, then to feel loved you need pleasant words from your partner, words of gratitude, warm conversations, praise, and cosplay. It is so important for you to hear many words that express warm feelings for you. In addition to the main phrase “I love you”, you need to hear other words of love from your partner.
Love language: quality time
We all want to do something together with a partner (or even do nothing, but just lie in an embrace). But for those whose love language is time, shared moments with a significant other are especially important. Such people like it when a partner spends as much time with them as possible does not cancel meetings and is always ready to pay attention. Moreover, both must be “at the moment.”
Love language: gifts
If according to the what is my partner’s love language quiz, your love language gifts, then you feel your partner’s love through tokens (gifts). For you, this is the most valuable indicator of the feelings of the second half. It doesn’t have to be something super expensive – memorabilia can be cheap or completely free. The main thing is that a person took the time to choose and search for a gift. So, they appreciate and want to do something nice.
Love language: physical touch
If the test results show that your love language is touch and physical contact, then this is very important for you in a relationship. Hugs, kisses, touches, and holding hands are all key ways for you to express love in a couple.
Love Language: acts of service
For individuals with such a language of love, it is not the words that matter most, but the actions of people. For them, it is not enough just to promise something, the most important thing is some kind of help, for example, to cope with household duties, prepare breakfast or help with cleaning. You are so pleased when a partner takes care of you, this is a manifestation of their love for you.
So, every person has their love language. What is my love language? We hope you defined yours and that you understand how you can express your love and how you require it from a partner. Can people with different love languages be a couple? Yes, if both partners can communicate and harmoniously build healthy relationships with each other. In this case, one will give gifts and the other will make time for their soulmate every day.
Emma Davis is a dating expert and passionate writer. She believes that finding love is not about luck or something like that. Instead, she is sure that knowing yourself, realizing your own needs, learning effective tips, and having the right tools are what can help you meet the right match.