How to Talk About Feelings With Your Partner? – This is a serious problem that destroys couples. Many people prefer not to talk about how they feel, accumulate and hide resentment. These threatens with the fact that at one point, mutual complaints will break out during an argument, and a seemingly slight quarrel turns into a huge scandal. It is very important to share with your partner not only negative feelings, but also to express love.
Most men think that expressing emotions and saying tender words is a sign of weakness, but it is important for women to know what their partner feels towards them. In this article we will explain why talking about feelings is so important and how to cross the psychological barrier and start a frank conversation.
Opinion of the psychologist: why is it so important to talk about your feelings?
As a rule, it is women who initiate a frank conversation. By nature, they are more open and willing to share their emotions and feelings with their partner. Men prefer to hide feelings and they are embarrassed during such a showdown. It seems to them that the soulmate is encroaching on his personal space, and is too hastening events. Is it true? We will answer a professional psychologist: “In fact, the problem of unwillingness to talk about their feelings has a serious psychological background, which should be sought in childhood or at the very beginning of a relationship.
Not only women resort to therapy, but also men, for whom it is important to understand the feelings of their partner. Are feelings for someone really something shameful to hide? Why is it so hard to talk to your partner and open up to him? In most cases, you have sat down and you ask your partner to tell directly about what he feels, you can get a negative reaction in response. Someone laughs off, someone transfers the conversation to another topic, and someone starts to get nervous and completely withdraws into himself. It seems to the partner that you exert psychological pressure on him and try to penetrate his intimate psychological space.
Therefore, there is a reaction in the form of anger or resentment. Human nature is such that any talk of feelings is perceived as something painful. This may be due to negative associations from childhood. Or there was a bad experience at a more mature age, when they laughed at the feelings of the person, and this became a catalyst for isolation. Therefore, it is very important not to put pressure on your partner, and to treat his unwillingness to talk about something intimate with understanding. This is not an expression of disrespect for you or a sign that your partner does not have strong feelings.
How to talk to your lover about feelings: three important steps
So, if you want to express your feelings to a partner and at the same time hope for a response frankness, then three main criteria should be taken into account:
- Make up your mind: do you want to hear what the soulmate really feels for you, or do you hope for a certain answer? Very often we want a partner to express his feelings not only with actions, but also with words. Verbal verbalization of emotions is as important as actions. In addition, there is a problem when a person wants to hear something specific from you. It is this answer that sounds in his head, and when the statement of the partner does not correspond to the far-fetched one, then insults and conflicts arise. Therefore, it is important to distinguish between your expectations and real things. If you want to hear the truth, then be ready for any answer, otherwise you risk that your partner will no longer be frank with you.
- Allow the partner to speak out. Be prepared for the fact that he will do it as it will be convenient for him. Perhaps you were waiting for a passionate stream of revelations, but received only one phrase in reply: “I love you!” Or “Everything will be fine with us. I promise!” Believe, this is more than enough because a huge meaning is hidden in just one phrase. Not everyone is ready to talk for hours about feelings, make plans for a distant future together. Stop being selfish and just listen to your partner! Some people are very stingy with words and prefer to express their emotions in just a few words, which are then confirmed by actions. It is very important to “feel” your partner and not put pressure on him in order not to reduce all attempts to talk about your future.
- Share in response to candor. Share feelings with your partner, this is normal. Be the first to say important words. You need to discuss how important it is for you to know what he thinks about it, what he feels and what emotions your confession has caused. Not always your partner will be ready for revelations at this moment. Do not rush him and try to understand his emotions, perhaps he is angry or resentful and wants to share with you. Say that you are not judging him and are willing to listen to him and help you to find the right words. Prove that you understand him, and then you will be trusted.
Only by observing these three seemingly simple rules can you find harmony in your relationship with your partner. Get more information about what he feels for you and not hurt his feelings.
If your elect does not want to speak on this topic, then do not be offended by it, but set aside the topic for a while. Ask him: “Why don’t you want to talk about it now? I understand you and your feelings are important to me. Don’t be close to me!” Do not put pressure on him, otherwise you risk losing favor with you forever. Often this is a sin for women for whom it is very important to know what is happening in their relationship with a man.
In such cases, the partner feels pressured and tries in every way to avoid unpleasant conversation for him, especially if he believes that your relationship is perfect and you shouldn’t rush things. You can call the partner for frankness just by starting a conversation first. You need to tell how important your relationship is to you, what you would like in the future and what feelings you have for him. If the partner did not support your initiative, then this is a sure sign that it is necessary to postpone this topic until better times and wait until he is ready to support the conversation.
When is psychological therapy needed?
Sometimes partners cannot make an independent decision on how to begin to speak frankly about their feelings and at the same time not experience discomfort. It seems that this situation is a dead end, but there is a way out – the services of a professional therapist. Individual and group therapy will help you to find a common language. The specialist will help to improve relations and step over the barrier that prevents frankly speaking. You can find out the reason for the severity of the voicing of your feelings.
Perhaps you are hampered by concealed grievances that you should get rid of. You will learn to understand yourself better and be able to convey to your partner that the problem is not in him or in your relationship. In a group session, you can share with each other what disturbs you, causes discomfort and at the same time avoid conflict or not translate the topic. The psychotherapist will gently steer your conversation in the right direction so that you can feel as comfortable as possible and start talking about something important right now.
But only sessions with a specialist will not end your work on relationships. Every day you will again interact with your partner, but at the same time you will know the reason for not wanting to talk about relationships and feelings. This will help to avoid further conflicts on this ground and the fear of being misunderstood. You will understand how important it is in this situation not to be silent, but to talk with your partner about something important today.